I literally can't eat normally. I've tried and it makes me feel sick knowing how much 'normal' people eat. I've been in recovery for about a couple of months and I put on loads of weight. I got a full length mirror today and oh my fucking god I am huge.  I am so so so huge. I actually can't believe how fat I am now. I know I need to do something because I've started staying in more and more, I feel like when I go out everyone is looking at me, the fat girl.

Everyone is gonna realise if I go straight back to normal so I'm taking it slow. I've gone down to 1000 cals a day (yuck) and I'll decrease it further so it's not as dramatic a change and the questions don't start again. The only problem is, my bf knows all about my 'previous' problems with food and he's really on the ball, he somehow seems to realise what I'm doing straight away! So that's gonna be tricky. 

I wanna get down to eating 600cals a day within the next 2 weeks with a day of fasting each week. I MUST be skinny when I go to uni. There isn't any other option. 

I absolutely can't wait to lose all this disgusting weight! I feel like I've got oil running through my viens! 

I LOVE feeling hungry, I can't wait to get back to normal.

I'm really happy to be here, I feel like crap that i'm a bit of a lardcake but at least I'm doing something about it, I would love some tips on how to curb the hunger pains or even some people to talk to about my eating disorder. People seem to get really pissed off with me when I try to talk to them about it as if i'm attention seeking or just being an idiot, but the more they shut me up and tell me i'm being silly the more I want to show the world a better me - jutting ribs and all! I eat about 500 - 800 calories a day, and it seems to be working. I'm 5'10 weigh about 138 and would love to get down to about 125, my lowest being 133. So i'm a size 10 uk (usa 6) and want to feel skinny like I used to before puberty hit and the love handles appeared! Sorry if my cheeryness is annoying it's just better than my depressed alter-ego. Feel free to message me!